Working breakfasts, lunches, and dinners

When I sat down to write today’s post, I intended to write about how excellent client service blends into client development. I’d planned to suggest some tactics for extending the relationship so you become a “trusted advisor” (to borrow David Maister‘s phrase). One of the tactics I’d planned to suggest was, not surprisingly, taking clients to a meal.

And then I read an article that my coach sent me from last week’s New York Times: Oh Joy! Breakfast With the Boss. To give you the flavor of the article, here’s a snippet:

PLEASE do not invite me to breakfast.

It’s not that I don’t like breakfast. To the contrary, I could happily eat eggs or cereal at every meal. But I write about life-work balance, and it feels a little contradictory to conduct an interview, or attend a conference, or give a speech, when everyone involved had to sacrifice sleep to attend.

I have similar qualms about working dinners. After a long day of work, why follow it up with more work?

. . .

There has been a shift in the role of these meetings-with-food over the years. In the 80’s, a 7 a.m. appointment was a sign that you were so important you had to start before dawn. We called them power breakfasts back then, and Masters of the Universe wanted to be seen at their regular table at dawn.

More recently, however, they’ve come to feel like yet another symptom of an overstuffed day.

But because working meals are important for many lawyers, it seems to me that the question become how to incorporate those meals into a schedule that fits the way you want to live. Whether you’d rather cram as many work functions as possible into your day or whether you’ve dceided to make dinner with your family a priority, is there a way to incorporate working meals and personal plans? Absolutely. Here’s how.

1. Plan intentionally. If you “go with the flow,” someone else will be determining the balance of your life. Instead, spend a few minutes every month deciding what commitments (business and personal commitments) are non-negotiable for you. Don’t forget to include time you spend on true recreation. Mark those on your calendars, and then consider what else you’d like to add in.

2. Exercise your discretion. When you have an opportunity to attend a work gathering, whether it’s a working meeting or business socializing, at times outside the ordinary work day, consider carefully before accepting. What will you be saying “no” to if you say “yes” to this event? Is the event important? Is it urgent? Do you want to do it? There’s no single “right” answer here that means you should or shouldn’t attend. The questions will lead you to your decision without dictating it.

3. Limit yourself. You either have learned or will learn soon that energy is not infinite. Adding morning and evening business commitments to a packed schedule can constitute self-sabotage if done without attention to the effects on your energy level. One client I worked with decided to limit herself to 2 evening commitments each week and never to schedule a morning meeting before 9 AM on the day following an evening commitment. Although she reduced the number of hours she devoted to work in this way, she increased her productivity during working hours as a result.

Are you happy with the amount of time you spend on working meals? If not, what changes will you make?

Simplicity: where personal and professional meet

One of the rules I keep in mind when writing  is that good writing is clear, crisp, and simple.  The same rule often applies more generally as well.  As Einstein said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.”

When it comes to managing one’s personal life while maintaining a practice, “simple” is the name of the game.  (And this is a good time to note a favorite distinction: “simple” is not a synonym for “easy.”)  For instance, it’s much less stressful to prepare a simple dinner — say, a salad with various store-bought toppings and dressing — than it is to prepare a meal that requires numerous ingredients.  Likewise, I find that dressing in the morning is much more simple when my clothes are in reasonably good order and my closet not overstuffed.  Aspects of life that are more complicated than necessary drain energy.

And the same is true in the office.  If my files are a mess and I can’t find anything, I’ll have to stop and launch a search everytime I need a document, and that takes a tremendous amount of energy away from the task at hand.  Having a cluttered email box pulls at me because when I check for new messages, my eye is drawn to all of the messages I need to answer or otherwise handle, and slick filing system that put the messages out of sight make my life even more complicated.

Simplicity is especially important when personal and professional life intersect or affect one another.  One of my favorite questions to clients working on work/life integration issues is, “What can you stop doing?”  Releasing an activity that isn’t productive (in pleasure or in business) is often one of the most simple and most impactful steps to take.

Unfortunately, though, simplifying isn’t always an easy thing to do.  An overcrowded, disorganized closet may take hours or even days to get straightened.  So, I was delighted to find Simple Living Simplified: 10 Things You Can Do Today to Simplify Your Life on the zenhabits blog.  Ideas include:

— making a short list of top priorities (similar to an Absolute Yes list, which I previously discussed in this post);

— simplifying the “to do” list by identifying tasks that can be “eliminated, delegated, automated, outsourced or ignored;” and

— focusing on one task at a time.

And if 10 simplification steps aren’t enough, check the expanded list of the Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life.  Any list of 72 items feels unwieldy to me, but it’s worth a skim.

Designing your personalized professional development plan

A lot of law firms are working to make their associate review processes more useful — and some are even succeeding.  Over the last 2-3 years, it’s become quite vogue to require associates to design a professional development plan so that they and the firm can track their progress.  Although the plan is designed to be co-created by the lawyer and the firm, it’s obvious that the firm has a strong interest in the program and that the lawyer is likely to accede to the firm’s “suggestions.”

And please understand: I’m not knocking the firms that insist on such a co-creation.  It’s appropriate for the firm to bear a strong interest in ensuring that its employees develop the skills that the firm believes necessary for the employee’s development and his contribution to the firm’s development.  And devising such a plan is certainly a huge advancement over the stereotypical reviews in which a lawyer is told everything is “going just fine” right until things fall apart because no one is comfortable with confrontation or honest feedback.  (This is a real, if counter-intuitive, problem in many firms!)

But while the firm-sponsored professional development plan is a great start, it’s insufficient for most lawyers.  Given the associate attrition rates and the ease with which lawyers can change firms, it’s a mistake to assume that you will remain with a firm for your entire career no matter how happy you may be there today.  And even if you do stay at the same firm for the entire length of your career, it’s a sure bet that you won’t do so as an employee.  Instead, you’ll develop your own practice (albeit within the firm’s structure) and in so doing, you’ll be running your own “business” in a very real sense.

So, what’s the answer?  Designing your personalized professional development plan.  Starting with the plan co-created with the firm makes for a nice running start, but if you don’t have such a plan (or if you’re unhappy with your plan), consider the following questions:

*  What are your professional strengths?  How can you maximize them?
*  What are your professional weaknesses?  How can you best compensate for them?
*  What can you do to develop your strengths even more?

*  What do you want your practice to be composed of?  Consider substantive law and the mix of practice areas, type of work, what you want your days to look like, etc.
*  What kind of practice will be fulfilling at the apex of your career?  Describe the setting, the financial aspects, etc. as clearly as possible.
*  What is your practice goal in 1 year?  5 years?  10 years?  Again, describe it in as much detail as possible.

*  What skills and experiences do you need to develop to reach your 1-, 5-, 10-year, and apex practice goals?  If you have trouble with this step, consider gathering data by asking your mentors and successful colleagues, researching in practice development books, etc.  Remember that your answer will change over time.  Nothing about your plan will be written in stone, but the more clarity you can gain now, the better your gameplan and the higher likelihood that future changes will be adjustments rather than complete reworkings.

*  What habits, attitudes, or mindsets do you need to develop to attain these goals?  For example, do you need to break free from the sense that the firm owns you and to recognize that you are designing your practice and your professional life in conjunction with the firm?  Do you need to develop your confidence to increase your client development opportunities and/or your presentation skills?  Do you need to break your procrastination habit or to put your perfectionistic tendency in its proper place?

*  What will you choose to focus on from these lists over the next year?  I recommend a mix of skills/experiences and attitude/habit development goals.  For instance, you might set goals of becoming the go-to person on a certain area of the law within your firm and in the outside world, handling a client matter by yourself (with appropriate supervision but little direction if any), learning how to delegate work effectively to more junior lawyers and to staff members, and how to design and implement a business development plan that works.  (Note that this final goal has a number of subparts that are focused on developing skills and habits/attitudes, and it’s likely a multi-year goal with progress and its measurement changing each year!)

The key difference between your personalized plan and the plan that you may co-create with your firm is that the personalized plan is keyed to your goals without attention to the firm’s goals except to the extent they support your desires.  Your plan should be designed to fit what you — as owner of your practice and “CEO” of your career — want.  The two plans might be identical, or they may be quite at odds.  If you know that in 10 years you’d like to have a personal injury practice with a partner ready and willing to buy you out so you can compete in the America’s Cup, for instance, that’s almost certainly a goal that you’d be wise not to share if you’re working in a mid-sized insurance defense firm because your goals and the firm’s goals don’t mesh.

Finally, I suggest spending time in the fall roughing out your personalized professional development plan.  It’ll give you a good idea of where you’re headed when you have your annual review, and you’ll be ready to suggest the developmental areas that you’d like to work on in the next year.  In addition, you’ll be ready to incorporate the feedback you get into your plan.  So, start now.  Set aside time on your calendar, and mark it in ink.  Designing your plan will move you forward like little else.  Don’t miss this opportunity.

Blog bankruptcy

One of the fundamental tenents of work/life balance, work/life integration, or any other name one might choose to describe the relationship between time applied on professional and personal matters is simple: conscious decisions on what to do and what to forego are mandatory, because no one can do everything.  My husband has a photo in his office that I truly hate, but it’s apt here.  It’s a picture of a trout with its mouth gaping open and a line beneath it that says, “Only dead fish go with the flow.”  It’s a recipe for disaster to “go with the flow” and assume that your work and your life will come to an equilibrium that suits you.  Careful choices are necessary, if painful.

This morning, I’m making such a choice.  It doesn’t rival choosing between attending a child’s annual recital and speaking at a prestigious CLE meeting, but it’s painful to me just the same.  I am declaring blog-reading bankruptcy.

Lawrence Lessig prompted this idea, by declaring email bankruptcy when he discovered that he was so far behind on emails he’d never catch up.  (Email bankruptcy Lessig-style is described in this Wired article that also has some handy productivity tips.)

I have so many unread blog feeds that I will never get through them — unless I choose to ignore what’s current, which would be a no-win “solution.”  I’ve tried to catch up.  I find so much value in the blogs I read that it’s hard to make the decision to clear the backlog, and yet, that’s the only rational choice at this point.  So, with apologies to the bloggers who work so hard to produce such excellent content, I declare blog-reading bankruptcy.  I start fresh today.

Where do you need to declare “bankruptcy”?  Perhaps in old industry newsletters or magazines, bar magazines that are interesting but not informative on your area of law, or newspapers/magazines?  Perhaps personal email correspondence?  Consider what “stack of stuff” is tugging at you from a corner of your desk or office or home.  Can you eliminate any of it, through “bankruptcy” or concerted action?

Conscious disregard of value: women vs. the legal profession

One of the things I most enjoy about the blogosphere is the free exchange of ideas and thoughts.  Recently, Stephanie West Allen and I have been discussing a trend reported by Canada’s leading newspaper The Globe and Mail in an article entitled “Office Stress Ruining Women Lawyers’ Lives.”  (With thanks to Gerry Riskin of Amazing Firms, Amazing Practices, who offers his commentary.)  From the article: “Women at modern-day law firms are so petrified of appearing unproductive that they sometimes conceal cancer or heart attacks to avoid being marginalized.”  Stephanie’s comment on this trend is, “I find the behavior of the women who would hide serious health problems to be extremely puzzling, almost bizarre. Think of the statement that makes about their values. Why would they make such a trade-off? What is so important? Are we seeing zombies at law?”

I too find the reported concealment bizarre, though I would pin it as knowing, intentional disregard of one’s own value for the sake of… And then I can’t quite finish the sentence.  For the sake of looking sufficiently productive?  For the sake of being a “team player”?  For the sake of keeping a job that demands unrealistic sacrifices?  What job or profession could possibly merit the concealment of a serious illness?

The law has long rewarded “macho” behavior: working punishing hours, dropping everything to serve a client, exhibiting a mental and emotional toughness that’s impenetrable on the job — all without complaint.  Although commentators often focus on the challenges that women face in confronting those expectations, I find that a number of men are equally displeased about the sacrifices demanded.  Indeed, Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin of the Surpeme Court of Canada made the observation that, “The strict, inflexible business model is increasingly questioned by men. . . [the question for the future is] How do we structure the way lawyers — women and men – work; the way they live, the way they serve the public?”

While women face a more challenging uphill climb in some ways, as marked by the often-repeated statistic that on 17% of partners in large law firms are women, I find myself wondering whether we’re in a phase similar to one that existed before women were permitted to vote, in which women struggle to achieve “equality” acting in the context of  an underlying social sense that women will bring “civility” to the system, only to find that women are indeed as tough as men, though perhaps that toughness is expressed differently.

At the end of the day, the questions we need to ask about the profession are gender neutral, though we must also recognize that women of childbearing age face an extra layer of complexity.

Readers, are you aware of lawyers (of either gender) concealing serious illness to “avoid being marginalized”?  I welcome your comments.

Top firms for women or leaving the law: it’s all about perceived satisfaction

As announced in a flurry of law firm press releases yesterday, Working Mother Magazine and Flex-Time Lawyers LLC have announced the top 50 firms for women, as measured through “groundbreaking programs to help women strike a better work/life balance and climb to the top” and “implementing penalty-free flex schedules and mentoring, networking and leadership programs.”  Large firms are heavily represented, and I’m curious whether that reflects their success with these programs or whether it reflects the presence of the programs.  Would a smaller firm that promotes work/life balance as a matter of course but doesn’t feature woman-friendly programs come out well on the survey?  This inquiring mind is curious.

Meanwhile, a recent article in Toronto Life magazine describes one lawyer’s exit from the practice and touches on the variety of issues that lead lawyers to choose new careers.  Replace the names of top Canadian firms with American firms, and it becomes clear that the problems so many identify are a cross-border phenomenon.  The author paints a rather bleak picture of the profession, laying the blame on “the crush of billable hours and the constantly buzzing BlackBerry,” which have in turn destroyed intellectualism, civility, mentoring, and work/life balance.  It’s a painful (but important) article to read.

Are lawyers unhappy?  Sure, some are.  And some aren’t.  Before deciding anything about the state of the profession (or the morale of its lawyers) it’s important to step back and ask what’s behind the pain and the pleasure of practice.  What do you expect to see when you think about practicing law?  Or, to put it another way, what happens when you remove the rose- or smoke-colored glasses?

Back to the real world: how do you return from vacation?

By the time this posts, I will likely have landed back at the Atlanta airport, home from vacation and from the ABA annual meeting.  First, I’d like to thank Peter Vajda publicly for his posts.  Relationship is always an interesting topic, and I believe that in many ways our relationships shape and promote or inhibit professional success.  Especially since I’m a married lawyer as well as married to a lawyer, I’ve found Peter’s posts thought-provoking, and I hope others have as well.

Next, a plug for bar activities.  Most of my time at the annual meeting was engaged in business meetings, and I’ve been exposed to a variety of legal issues far outside my area of expertise — robotics and their legal issues, e-privacy issues, VOIP, so on and so forth.  And I had wonderful conversations about the future of the profession, the roles of maturing lawyers, and more.  If I’d had a realtime brain scan going, I’m sure my neurons would have been firing in neon colors!  It’s intellectually stimulating in a way that will enliven me for weeks to come.  Moreover, I met and reconnected with people from a wide variety of backgrounds, and it was a delightful time for both professional and social networking.  It’s a terrific way to spend some time, and it represents a marvelous opportunity for professional development and perhaps business development.

As I anticipate returning from my vacation, I’m thinking about what I can do to hit the ground running and maintain (at least to some degree) my relaxed state of mind.  Here are my favorite tips:

1.  Set a time to plan my “return to work” activities, and don’t anticipate that time.  I’ve found that one of the quickest vacation mood-killers is thinking and planning what I’ll do when I get back, which has the effect of accelerating my return.  I’ll spend about an hour tomorrow while I’m waiting to board my flight setting my “to do” list, but aside from that (and writing this post) I won’t do any work until I return to the office Monday morning.

2.  Plan a “vacation recall” signal.  Have you ever felt that the relaxation from vacation fades all too quickly?  I discovered that choosing something that reminds me of a pleasant time on vacation lets me hit a reset button and recall that pleasure.  I’ve set up a screensaver that will show some of my vacation photos, selected specifically to bring me back to a dusky moment, just past sunset, watching the last ray of the sun slip away from the California coast.  Bingo — I see it, and I’m there.  (The photo at the top of this post is one example.)

3.  Arrange my first few days back so I hit the most important, hardest tasks first.  This is a practice I follow on a regular basis, but I find it even more important when returning from vacation.  This lets me reap the full benefit of my energy on being back in the office, and I get quick rewards.

4.  Plan something to look forward to in the first few days back.  It’s easy to get sucked back into the flurry of work, to start feeling stressed, and to see the next few weeks or months as a long, grey tunnel with no escape until it’s vacation time again — or, worse yet, to think that taking time off was a mistake because of the necessary catching up that follows.  To counteract that, I plan something to look forward to no later than the first weekend back.

5.  Set SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-based) goals.  The to-do list that I generate as a part of tip #1 above will set out precisely what I can realistically expect to accomplish, based on the urgent/important method of prioritization.  This level of specificity and realism gives me a concrete and feasible goal, and that keeps me on target; making sure that I’m attending to the important tasks first guarantees that my time will be well-spent.

I’ll share pre-vacation tips soon, too, because (as is surely no surprise) front-end planning facilitates the return as well.  Meanwhile, readers, any good tips that help you ensure a successful return from vacation?

Vacation; ABA meeting; Introducing guest blogger Peter Vajda

“Vacation used to be a luxury, however, in today’s world, it has become a necessity.”
Unknown
“Vacation is what you take when you can’t take what you’ve been taking any longer.”
Unknown

“Isn’t it interesting that people feel best about themselves right before they go on vacation? They’ve cleared up all of their to-do piles, closed up transactions, renewed old promises with themselves. My most basic suggestion is that people should do that more than just once a year.”
David Allen, author of Getting Things Done and productivity guru

I’m off for vacation!  In just a few hours, I’ll be headed to San Francisco; from there, my husband and I will travel down Highway 1 almost to LA, stopping at various points along the way for great scenery and relaxation for mind, body, and spirit.  It’ll be 5 glorious days in places like Big Sur, Carmel, Monterey, and Half Moon Bay — and even more gloriously, the stretches in between the towns that are broad sea vistas on one side of the two-lane road and rocky hills on the other side.  I can’t wait.

Following our vacation, we’ll return to San Francisco, where I’ll be attending the ABA annual meeting from Thursday through Saturday.  If any of you reading this will be there, please drop me a note — I would love to meet you!

While I was planning my vacation, I considered taking a week-long hiatus from blogging.  But one morning while I was taking a walk, a great idea came to me.

Side note: have you ever noticed how often inspiration strikes while your body is active and your mind is either relaxed or concentrating on other than work?  What does that tell you about the benefit of time away from your work?

My idea was to invite someone to serve as guest blogger for the week, to offer a different perspective on Life at the Bar.  And as soon as the idea bubbled up, a name did the same: Peter Vajda.  He and I met in December, thanks to Stephanie West Allen,  and we shared a delightful 3- (or maybe even 4-) hour lunch.  Peter has often commented on this blog, and I’ve observed that his comments bring richness to the conversations that go on here.  When I invited Peter to blog here for a week, he accepted immediately and began floating ideas right off the bat.

I’ve seen what’s in store for next week’s posts.  Peter has elected to focus on lawyers in relationships, and his thoughts and suggestions hold relationship in a new light, particularly in view of lawyers’ tendencies and pressures.  Although his posts next week are specifically about dual-career couples and lawyers in romantic relationships, the applicability of his ideas spread much further.  He brings a new perspective that’s thought-provoking and intriguing, and I think his posts will be a treat for readers.

I am delighted to introduce Peter (he’ll handle the formal introduction on Monday) and pleased to welcome him as the first Life at the Bar guest blogger.  Enjoy!

Creating “work/life balance”: 5 steps to success

I was in a Starbucks last week reading Beyond the Big Firm: Profiles of Lawyers Who Want Something More.  (Review forthcoming.)  A man sat down at the table next to me, carrying 3 or 4 bar review books, and looking somewhat frazzled.  He kind of nodded to me, and I nodded at his books and asked how he was feeling about the bar.  (In case, you’ve lost count, it ended yesterday in most states.)  As he started talking, out of habit I put my book down to listen — face down on the table, so the cover showed.  He noticed the title, and that’s when the conversation turned interesting.

After some pleasantries (Oh, you graduated from XYZ?  Which BigLaw office?  Oh, great people, great work, you’re going to love it there….) he asked why I was reading that book.  I explained that I’ve now transitioned to coaching lawyers, so I read books that may be of interest to clients or potential clients.  He looked a little worried and asked whether all my clients “want something more” and if that means leaving a big firm.

I crafted my answer carefully, because my clients do typically want more, but that more can be anything from BigLaw partnership to a part-time schedule with great work to leaving the law altogether, and plenty of points in between.  He told me that his friends were going to big firms with the plan to pay off their loans, save some money, get good training, and then move to a smaller firm or hang out a shingle, but that, following a terrific summer clerkship and lots of thought, he really wanted to stick it out and make his career in BigLaw.

And then he admitted that he was worried about balancing that desire with wanting to be an involved dad to his 2-year old and to keep his marriage strong and vibrant.  (Ya gotta love coffeehouse anonymity; it’s the next best thing to anonymous conversation on an airplane.)  I hope he sees today’s post.

Lawyers in firms of all sizes are interested in “work/life balance” (I’m still searching for a more accurate, less loaded phrase).   Steve Seckler of the Counsel to Counsel blog posted this intriguing suggestion last week under the title Getting Control of Your Hours:

The central career issue of our day is finding meaningful work which leaves time for our personal lives. Professionals who charge for their time know this firsthand. In the legal profession, where the pressure to bill more hours has never been greater, this is particularly true.

But choosing a career in law does not automatically require you to sacrifice your whole personal life.With some deliberate thinking and good career planning, it is possible to enjoy a measure of work/life balance even at some of the top law firms.

Fortunately, he then provides 5 excellent steps toward actually accomplishing this goal.  The tips (without his commentary, which expands and clarifies) are:

1.  Focus on work that has predictable flows.
2.  Early in your career, be a “yes” person and do great work.
3.  Build strong partner and client relationships.

4.  Find a firm where the culture supports outside interests.
5.  Learn some time management skills and learn to delegate.

Of course, as Steve points out, “getting control of your hours” or at least “enjoy[ing] a measure of work/life balance” requires forethought, planning, and careful attention.  I would argue that it’s never too late to undertake this process, though it’s likely harder to accomplish if not started early.

 

The reset button

One of the interesting things about coaching is that periodically, the topics on which I’m coaching someone will rise up and smack me in the face.  Pride may go before a fall, but working with someone else on an issue they’re facing seems highly likely in some bizarre cosmic way to raise the same issue for me.  Recently, it’s been around time management.  A client is known for being busy.  Frantically busy.  Ridiculously busy.  Productive, but busy beyond all measure of busy.  And he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t want it, and he’s ready to explore change.  Fortunately, after we explored some strategies that he created to meet his own needs and tendencies, things are improving for him.

Can you guess what my last week has been like?

I caught myself yesterday feeling as if I had so much to do that I’d never catch up (which may be true, but is hardly fatal) and bemoaning my lack of time.  Nope, can’t work out; I don’t have time.  Return calls to friends?  Not possible, there just isn’t time.  Post on the Life at the Bar blog on Monday morning as usual?  Not this week!

And then, two strategies came my way that have created a radically different experience for Tuesday than I had for Monday.  I’ll share them here in the hopes that they’ll help someone else.

First, eliminate the word “busy” from my repertoire.  I discovered that every time someone asked how things are going, I would reply “BUSY!” and immediately feel more stressed.  So, I’m practicing today with using other words: productive, effective, fruitful, joyful, full of accomplishments, etc.  (Thanks to Coach Kimberly for leading the way on this!)  Nothing has changed about my workload, of course, but my relationship with it has changed dramatically.

And second, at someone’s suggestion, when I felt that time was flying and I would never catch enough of it to get anything done, I stopped and watched the clock for one minute.  Have you ever noticed how long a minute takes when you’re just waiting and watching?  It was like being a kid waiting for summer break all over again, living in a state of seeming suspended animation.  Again, it didn’t change the items on my “to do” list, and it didn’t really even change the fact that I have more to do than I have day in which to do it, but that one-minute break helped me to realize that time isn’t really going so quickly, that just noticing it would make it slow down.

So, today I remain productive and cognizant that time isn’t actually flying by me.  I fully expect to hit “reset” again tomorrow by stopping myself from proclaiming my busyness and taking a one-minute break.  Will I get more done?  I don’t know.  But I will feel less pressured, which will make me less hurried, which will prime me to be less likely to make mistakes, which will make the day flow more easily.

Not bad for a small semantic change and a one-minute dance with time.  Would anyone else care to try it with me?